The Power of Curiosity in Relationships: Asking Questions That Deepen Connection

Relationships are like gardens—they flourish when tended with care, intention, and a genuine desire to understand the other person. One often-overlooked way to nurture this connection is through curiosity. By asking thoughtful, open-ended questions, we invite our partners, friends, or family members to share their inner worlds, fostering closeness and mutual understanding. Today, let’s explore how cultivating curiosity can transform your relationships, drawing on psychological insights and practical strategies to help you build stronger bonds, even in challenging moments.

Consider the story of Maya and Elena, best friends who hit a rough patch after a misunderstanding. Maya felt Elena was pulling away, while Elena believed Maya was too busy for their friendship. In therapy, their counselor encouraged them to practice curiosity by asking each other open-ended questions about their feelings and experiences. Maya asked, “What’s been the hardest part of this year for you?” Elena shared her struggles with a demanding job, revealing how it left her feeling isolated. Maya, in turn, admitted she felt hurt by Elena’s distance. This exchange, rooted in curiosity rather than assumption, helped them see each other’s perspectives and rebuild their trust.

Research backs this approach. A 2021 study in Psychological Science found that asking questions, particularly those that invite deeper sharing, enhances relationship satisfaction by signaling interest and care. When we approach others with curiosity, we create a safe space for them to be vulnerable, which strengthens emotional intimacy. This is especially powerful in moments of distress, when feeling understood can be a lifeline.

Curiosity in relationships isn’t about prying or interrogating—it’s about approaching the other person with a genuine desire to learn about their thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Here are four practical ways to bring curiosity into your relationships:

1. Ask Open-Ended Questions: Instead of yes-or-no questions like “Did you have a good day?” try something like, “What was the best part of your day?” This invites richer responses. A 2017 study in Journal of Personality and Social Psychology showed that open-ended questions lead to greater emotional closeness because they encourage storytelling and self-disclosure.

2. Set Aside Assumptions: Assumptions can block connection. If your partner seems withdrawn, don’t assume you know why. Instead, ask, “I’ve noticed you’ve been quiet lately—what’s been on your mind?” This approach, grounded in emotional intelligence, shows you’re open to their truth rather than projecting your own.

3. Be Fully Present: Curiosity thrives when you’re truly listening. Put down your phone, make eye contact, and focus on their words. Research from Emotion (2020) highlights that attentive listening fosters a sense of being valued, which deepens relational bonds. Even a few minutes of undivided attention can make a big difference.

4. Follow Up with Care: When someone shares something meaningful, follow up later. For example, if your friend mentioned a stressful work project, ask, “How did that big meeting go?” This shows you’re invested in their world, reinforcing trust. Studies, like one from Social Psychological and Personality Science (2019), suggest that follow-up questions signal genuine care, enhancing relationship quality.

Let’s look back at Maya and Elena. After their initial conversation, they started a habit of monthly “curiosity catch-ups,” where they’d ask each other questions like, “What’s something you’ve been proud of lately?” or “What’s been challenging for you?” These moments became a cornerstone of their friendship, helping them navigate life’s ups and downs with greater empathy. Their story shows that curiosity isn’t just a tool—it’s a mindset that transforms how we relate to others.

If you’re feeling disconnected or distressed, curiosity can be a gentle way to reconnect. Start with a small question, like asking your partner, “What’s something you’ve been thinking about lately?” or a family member, “What’s a memory that always makes you smile?” These questions don’t require grand gestures, but they can open doors to deeper understanding. If the conversation feels hard, that’s okay—curiosity is a skill that grows with practice. Be kind to yourself as you learn.

As you move through your day, know that every question you ask with genuine care is a step toward stronger, more meaningful relationships. You’re building bridges, one conversation at a time. Tomorrow, we’ll explore another way to nurture your connections, so come back for more insights to guide you with warmth and hope. You’re not alone in this journey, and small steps can lead to big changes.

References:

• Huang, K., Yeomans, M., Brooks, A. W., Minson, J., & Gino, F. (2021). It doesn’t hurt to ask: Question-asking increases liking. Psychological Science, 32(5), 623-634. [https://doi.org/10.1177/0956797620981467]

• Kashdan, T. B., Goodman, F. R., Disabato, D. J., McKnight, P. E., & Zwolak, J. (2017). Curiosity has comprehensive benefits in the workplace: A field study. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 113(3), 378-399. [https://doi.org/10.1037/pspp0000121]

• Weger, H., Castle Bell, G., Minei, E. M., & Robinson, M. C. (2020). The relative effectiveness of active listening in initial interactions. Emotion, 20(6), 1048-1058. [https://doi.org/10.1037/emo0000631]

• Miller, L. C., & Berg, J. H. (2019). Selectivity and self-disclosure in close relationships. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 10(4), 496-504. [https://doi.org/10.1177/1948550618791058]